We are well, just will not be blogging for awhile. If you want to check in, email me....suzyhousemouse@aol.com

Amy

I will not be blogging for some time. Sorry!

Brooklyn

Good Morning!

It's a beautiful day here today....mid 80's! I love summer! We are headed to Kaiti's friend Jacey's TOC (tournament of champions) championship game tonight! Should be great weather for it.

Brooklyn had a rough night lastnight. She had lots of tears and just misses her daddy so much. I just held her and told her it was okay to cry. She tries so hard to be strong like him and doesn't show too much emotion, but the last two days have been pretty hard for her. She's an amazing young lady. I love her so much. She has always been my pretty little girl who doesn't give a rip if she looks pretty or not. She is a tomboy through and through. Bratz? Barbies? Babydolls? NO WAY! Give that girl a ball of any kind and she will keep herself busy for hours!! She spent every possible moment with her daddy that she could. She loved to go to work with him and would actually help with alot of it! I would often find her curled up next to him on the couch during the evening. She just loved her daddy with everything. My heart aches for her. She is sorta lost without him. I try to do as much as I can with her that he would do, but there is only so much this foo foo girl can do! I hope she always embraces the beautiful qualities that he gave her. She will go far in life. So, Brooklyn, this song's for you....we called it our "strong song" right after he died and I know you are needing some strength right now sweetie. I love you Beezer!

Hmmm.....

Well, perhaps I shouldn't have gone to the doctor! I figured it'd be something fairly simple. I walked out after my BIOPSY with an Rx for some super spendy super potent steriod cream. They biopsied it to see if perhaps I have LUPUS! So, I'll know on that next week some time. Sheesh. When.it.rains.it.freakin.pours.

Good morning!

SWEET Mother of God! I was finally able to get in to a dermatologist! (I go at 10:45!!!) I have been diagnosed twice (inaccurately, I'm presuming) with 2 different rashes and put on steriods, then antibiotics, and I am literally ready to chew my own leg off due to the insane itching! So, I called and BEGGED to be seen, thinking they wouldn't get me in until later in the week and much to my surprise, they got me in this morning!!!!!!!!! Life is good. I'll update when I get home........

Daddy's Hands

What makes a Dad?

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of the morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God Combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it Dad.

Happy Father's Day daddy and papa. You two were the cream of the crop! We miss you and love you more than you could ever know.

Love,
Amy, Kaiti, Brooklyn, Sofie, and Jared

Prayers Please

See request below............

I changed my videos (Thank Tracee), so the "Anyway" video is the darker video, click on that!

PRAYERS PLEASE

Ger's mom is on her way to the hospital. Something with her hip. Please pray that she will be okay. She's an amazing woman and I love her so much.

Anyway.

I loaded Martina McBride's "Anyway" to this site. It is the bottom video listed at the right on YouTube. Wow, was this song written for us???? I needed to hear it tonight. I'm feeling pretty low and I needed to remember that it was all worth it. Would I have done it all over again, knowing the outcome? Yep. Was the joy worth the pain? Yep (although I could do without the pain). Thanks Lisa, for posting the words to that song on your site...I needed to be reminded that I would have done it all over.......anyway.

Meltdown.

I had one today. I reached the point of no return with my kids, so I left. For the whole day. They had completely trashed the house and I am just so fed up with being walked all over by them, that I left. I did errands, went to the doctor, went to the pharmacy, went to Jodi's house, and then we went out to dinner and for a drive. It ws good to get away. I have had a very rough week and I can sure feel it. My entire body aches. So, with that....I'm going to bed.

Light and Fluffy

I need something light and fluffy in my life. Like a good movie or book. Things have been so "heavy" lately, that I need some fluff! With all of the things I've been doing (going through financial records, pictures, cleaning up my clutter, etc) I've been really bogged down. The girls told me I was "out of it" lastnight and that I kept asking them the same questions. I could feel myself sort of in a fog, but I was so focused on what I was doing and so absorbed by it that I must have really appeared to be out of it to them! It's very mentally and emotionally exhausting going through this.

So, I need to find a hobby or something! I want to start making jewelry, but there isn't a beginner's class until next month. It's exhausting being me! I want a carefree "easy" life again!

Big SIGH.

I am 1000% exhausted. I've had so much going on emotionally lately and I'm not sleeping AT ALL again. I feel like I'm going to crash and burn. I had to go through alot of mine and Ger's personal financial records and whatnot recently and it just exhausted me mentally. I've had lots of tears in the last 2 weeks. Sometimes the girls sympathize and other times they just sort of look at me and walk off. I hate that. I hate that my sorrow makes them uncomfortable.

Jared and I will go to California likely the week of November 12. I have to come up with about $2100 to have some of the clinical stuff done, so if you have any GREAT ideas for fundraisers, please send them my way!

I best go to bed. My eyes are rolling around in my head. Maybe I will get some sleep tonight.

Reflecting

Lately, I seem to be experiencing alot more "grief bursts". Not sure what is bringing them all on, but they are very present and very painful.

Some of the things that have been in my mind lately:

Ger, I hated it when you threw my ENTIRE Princess Diana collection of People magazines away. BUT, I loved it that you let me cry when she died and even though you didn't get it, you just hugged me and let me cry. I also love that you bought me a Diana book for Christmas that year!

It has been intensely painful for me to not only allow others to grieve by not talking about you or your life and death, but to embrace that as an individual's way of grieving. I recently found this and thought it very insightful:
"The anniversary date of a loved one's death is particularly significant. You will have done something you thought was impossible a few months earlier. You will have survived an entire year without someone who was as important to you as life itself."
This is exactly what I wish I could have expressed last year as we not only mourned OUR loss, but celebrated that you were living with our God and probably having some great theological discussions with him! ;)

It has been so hard for me to be criticized for embracing my faith by some of the people in my life that I never would have thought would abandon me in my very darkest of hours. If I had to go through this, knowing that you weren't in a better place or knowing that I would see you again, I don't think I could have made it this far. I pray daily for God to help soften my heart and embrace those people. I've cried many tears at church...I know they all understand.

Music gets me. Always has, always will. This song will probably always make me cry. It just embraces all that I feel.

"Never Let Go" By Matt Redman
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back I know You are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus: Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

So, I guess all the nay-sayers can criticize all they want, but I know what is true and I know where you are and I know tht I will be there with you some day! Even though I desperately long for that day, especially when the pain is so intense that I don't think I can do it, I know that He has a plan for me, for the kids, and He had a plan for you too. I wish I could say I understand it, but I really really don't.

Ger, I miss you with every ounce of my being. I still can't believe you are gone some days and sometimes I just hate that my life is what it is. I can't believe that both you and dad were taken from us so close together and that we are left behind to try to pick up the pieces. I love you sweetie....always will.

Summer sickness....

Why is it that being sick during the summer seems so much worse than being sick any other time of the year? I HATE being sick during the summer. Poor Brooklyn, she is miserable. Her fever broke during the night, but kind of came back this afternoon although not as bad. Her throat and ears really hurt and she doesn't seem any better in that department. I called the pediatrician and they said to give it until noon tomorrow. Poor baby! As for me, I didn't find time to call the doctor today. Hopefully tomorrow. I have alot going on this week. Did I mention that I was accepted to Colorado Technical University Online?! I start July 8th! Hopefully, lots of financial aid will come in. I will get my associates in medical coding and billing and then move on to my bachelor's in business with an emphasis in healthcare management. I'm excited! Remember the whole thing with the guy that tried to grab Brooklyn in Walmart? Well I received a phone call from another county and after telling them the whole story they want to know if I will testify as to what happened! I said I would. He is a VERY dangerous guy. I'm glad I got the word out about him! Well, I'm off to tidy this pigpen up.

Is it Friday yet????

What a day it's been. I'm beat. Brooklyn started feeling totally crappy about 10am and when I was finally able to get her to the clinic, she has a super nasty strain of strep and a double ear infection! Poor baby! She has either cried or slept all day. It only took us 2 1/2 hours at the clinic...ugh. I was getting super snarky feeling. I had the doc look at the weird rash things I have and she sorta freaked out and told me to get in and get some blood work done. I guess when it's closing time they don't do blood work at the walk in clinic. Sheesh. Anyhoo, she said these type of rashes (she called them pupura rashes) are sometimes indicative of an immunologic problem. So I came home and googled it and with my fibromyalgia stuff, always tired, super bad menstrual cycles, I think I need to be seen. That all points to a platelet deficiency. So, I'm going to call and try to find a new doc tomorrow. I don't have mine anymore after Ger died. Anyway, I'm sorry for no paragraphs, but blogger wont let me do anything but type, no spacing at all?! So, pray that this is nothing. I'm on steriods now, so hopefully I'll feel better soon.

I hate flowers.

The wedding went well! The girls' all looked so pretty and did such a good job. Sofie, however, FAINTED during the ceremony!!!! She hadn't eaten since about noon (wedding started at 7:30) and the minister was a wee bit long winded, and all of the sudden she stumbled toward Kaiti and then went down! LOL! She sat with me for a bit, then Tam's sister in law took her inside to get a bite to eat. She felt kind of yukky all night. She felt so bad, mid way through trying to get some food into her she said she wanted Tam. So we went and found her and Curtis and Sofie apologized to them!!!??!! She felt so bad she started crying!

The reception was fun. My dear little Sofie went and told this guy that I thought he was cute!!! I wanted to die. Sheesh, wouldn't that have made quite the story to tell..."yeah, we met when you came and told me your mom thought I was cute"!!!! LOL! I was ssssooooooooooo embarrassed! He was cute though! LOL!

I'll post some pics tomorrow....it's late and I'm beat.

Wedding Weekend!

Hi all,

Well, Kaiti probably hyper extended her knee and strained her ACL. She also bruised the kneecap pretty good and she does have Osgood-Schlatters Disease which she will outgrow when she is done growing. She's in a knee imobilizer and on crutches and pretty much snarky about it.

Tomorrow is Tam's wedding! The girls' dresses arrived......yesterday! Nothing like cutting it close, huh? I will post pictures on Sunday. I'm so excited to see them all dressed up pretty and with their hair done. It's not a fancy schmancy wedding.....it's a hawaiian theme, but they still will look so pretty! I wish Ger was here to see Tam and Curtis get married...he always hoped she would get married.

Not much new here. It's been a busy week and will be an even busier weekend!

Feeling sorry for me.

What a night. It was a crazy insane kind of night. I had to be 50 different places at one time. Kaiti had a softball game, actually a double header, Jared had a counseling appointment that I HAD to be at and Brooklyn and Sofie were at home alone. I get a call that Kaiti hurt herself. So, I'm like did she actually hurt herself or is she being dramatic? I tell her I have to do the appointment with Jared and I'll be at the game after. On the way to the game I get a call from one of her friend's moms. She said she thinks it's bad. So, I get there and she can't even walk!! Argh. I've been avoiding taking her in as we have no health insurance. Welp, that did alot of good. She may have torn her ACL and she did tear a tendon or something that runs up the top of her knee!! So, I have to call the orthopedic surgeon tomorrow to get an appointment. Lovely, huh?

I definitely felt the "I hate being a single parent" pangs tonight! I wanted to freak and scream and yell, I AM ONLY ONE PERSON. This is so hard. And yeah, I did feel a bit sorry for myself and for my kids. It sucks. What do ya do? I don't know how some of my single friends do it so well, cuz I really feel like I'm totally sucking at being a single parent.

I am tired. I'm weepy. My stomach is in knots worrying about how to pay for this especially if she does need surgery. Oh well, it's only money....right?

Crazy Insane kind of busy!!!!

Many of you know that I have been trying to get Jared to CA to be seen by a Fragile X specialist. The big drawback being $$. I had contacted several organizations (Angel Flight, Chase Hawks, etc) to see if they could help us out. I wrote to several family members who have Skymiles. Thankfully, Ger's sister has agreed to donate 2 Skymile tickets to us!!! I can get him seen by this doctor!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooo, soooo, soooooooo excited! I should be coordinating today with her office to see when we can get down there. Isn't that awesome news??!!!

I am so ready for softball to be over. We had a game in Laurel lastnight, a double header today, maybe a makeup game on Wednesday, and a game in Columbus on Thursday! Next week, I think they are practicing every day as TOC's start the following week. It exhausts me to think of it.

Our week this week is pretty busy. We have the above mentioned softball, a b-day party to go to Thursday night, and Tam's wedding is this weekend so Friday and Saturday will be wedding festivities. The girls are all in Tam's wedding and I am so excited to see them (especially Brooklyn) all dolled up! I'll take pics and post them on here.....hopefully I can figure out how to!

I better run, Emma needs some snuggles! :)

Amy

Tears, tears, and more tears

Sometimes, the tears just come and there is no stopping me. This song came to my attention lastnight and I've just cried pretty much non stop everytime I think of it. I just miss him. Plus, this song was played at a friend in high school's funeral and it just makes me sad. My heart just feels so empty. Glenn was here again this weekend and sometimes he reminds me so much of Ger. They both have the same no nonsense, redneck way of being and it just makes me laugh. I'm just really having a hard time tonight. Lots of tears.


I'll Be There
Over Mountains Over Trees Over Oceans Over Seas
Across The Desert I'll be there

In a whisper on the wind On the smile of a new friend
Just think of me And I'll be there

Don't be afraid, oh my love I'll be watching you from above
But I'd give all the world tonight, To be with you
Cause I'm on your side, And I still care
I may have died, But I've gone nowhere
Just think of me, And I'll be there

On the edge of a waking dream
Over Rivers Over Streams Through Wind and Rain
I'll be there
Across the wide and open sky
Thousands of miles I'd fly
To be with you I'll be there

Don't be afraid, oh my love
I'll be watching you from above
And I'd give all the world tonight, To be with you
Cause I'm on your side, And I still care
I may have died, But I've gone nowhere
Just think of me, And I'll be there
Just think of me, I'll be there

In the breath of a wind that sighs
Oh, there's no need to cry
Just think of me, And I'll be there

Don't be afraid, oh my love I'll be watching you from above
But I'd give all the world tonight, To be with you
Cause I'm on your side, But I still care
I may have died, But I've gone nowhere
Just think of me, And I'll be there
Just think of me, I'll be there

Think of me, I'll be there


Credits
"I'll Be There" written by Steel/Holliday/Christo/ZekavicaPerformed by The Escape Club