Fall and Football

It's in the air in the mornings now...that fall crispness. While fall is typically a difficult time of year for me, it is also a time of excitement as football starts and I LOVE ME SOME FOOTBALL!!!!!!! I'm venturing into fantasy football this year...my team is called Romo Nation Obliteration! Yep, I love me some Dallas Cowboys Football!




And then, there is always my favorite ever....The University of Montana GRIZZLIES! Go Griz!



Of course, I'm a huge Billings Skyview Falcons fan and sadly do not have a logo saved to show my support! :( I will be posting some pics of Kaiti hopefully this weekend or next as she cheers for her Falcon team.

So, fall is here. I've become hateful toward it as it is a hard time for me....Ger's bday, dad's bday, Ger's angelversary and the holidays. Thank God for football, otherwise, I just might not make it through fall!

Happy birthday Ger. You would be pushin' 50 mister, 46. Wow. I miss you sweetie and was so blessed to have your friendship and love.

Kaiti has a unique way of looking like the biggest bimbo on earth at times. Case in point....

While visiting Ger's best friend, Glen, she thought she would be funny and tell him we had to eat somewhere that didn't serve meat because she had become a vegetarian. She thought she was quite funny and that it would totally get his fur in a fluff. He responded with, "Kaiti. You NEED to eat meat for your prostate!" She retorted, "Well! I don't think I need to worry about THAT for while!" Glen was dumbfounded that she was totally serious. She looked at me a tad confused and I explained to her that women don't have a prostate! LOL!!!





Then she was sharing with a friend at church, about flunking her driver's test the first time, she told him about failing to turn on her blinker after her parallel park. He replied with, "Kaiti did you check the blinker fluid?" She looked at him totally dumbfounded and said, "I didn't know about the blinker fluid!".....sigh.
Then, as we left the parking lot she said, "I can't believe I fell for the blinker fluid!"




Plain and simple, she is a dork. But she's my dork and I love her. :)

Trog on a Blog

When I was a little girl, my dad gave me the nickname of "Trog". I hated it. Loathed it. My bottom cringed everytime he called me it. And now? I miss it. My dad has been gone for 3 1/2 years now and I actually miss being called Trog!! LOL! He would never believe those words just came out of my mouth, er well, fingertips. So, in honor of my daddy, who I miss with everything that I am, I am introducing "TROG ON A BLOG"!!!!! I have missed blogging and imported everything from my old blog, so we are off and running again! Hope to hear from all of my old readers and blog buddies soon!

-Amy

I'm BBAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCKKKKKK!!

Well, Hello there!

I'm back and I will be posting regularly again! I'm going to try a bit of a different blogging style, more of a "stories" style! So, give me a day or two, to think of what I'm going to post and we'll get rolling again!

3 years.

Three long years. I can't believe that we have survived three years without our rock. Some days it feels like it was just yesterday that he was kissing me good bye every morning or squeezing my hand twice in response to my three squeezes (I love you = three, me too = two). Some days it feels like a lifetime ago. My heart is surviving, albeit, with a gaping wound that some days still bleeds.

Ger, I love you with all that I am and always will.

MIA

Hi all!

I hope to be back soon, blogging about life as mom to four busy kids! Hopefully, there will be a whole new look to my blog in the next few weeks....check back soon!

Amy

We are well, just will not be blogging for awhile. If you want to check in, email me....suzyhousemouse@aol.com

Amy

I will not be blogging for some time. Sorry!

Brooklyn

Good Morning!

It's a beautiful day here today....mid 80's! I love summer! We are headed to Kaiti's friend Jacey's TOC (tournament of champions) championship game tonight! Should be great weather for it.

Brooklyn had a rough night lastnight. She had lots of tears and just misses her daddy so much. I just held her and told her it was okay to cry. She tries so hard to be strong like him and doesn't show too much emotion, but the last two days have been pretty hard for her. She's an amazing young lady. I love her so much. She has always been my pretty little girl who doesn't give a rip if she looks pretty or not. She is a tomboy through and through. Bratz? Barbies? Babydolls? NO WAY! Give that girl a ball of any kind and she will keep herself busy for hours!! She spent every possible moment with her daddy that she could. She loved to go to work with him and would actually help with alot of it! I would often find her curled up next to him on the couch during the evening. She just loved her daddy with everything. My heart aches for her. She is sorta lost without him. I try to do as much as I can with her that he would do, but there is only so much this foo foo girl can do! I hope she always embraces the beautiful qualities that he gave her. She will go far in life. So, Brooklyn, this song's for you....we called it our "strong song" right after he died and I know you are needing some strength right now sweetie. I love you Beezer!

Hmmm.....

Well, perhaps I shouldn't have gone to the doctor! I figured it'd be something fairly simple. I walked out after my BIOPSY with an Rx for some super spendy super potent steriod cream. They biopsied it to see if perhaps I have LUPUS! So, I'll know on that next week some time. Sheesh. When.it.rains.it.freakin.pours.

Good morning!

SWEET Mother of God! I was finally able to get in to a dermatologist! (I go at 10:45!!!) I have been diagnosed twice (inaccurately, I'm presuming) with 2 different rashes and put on steriods, then antibiotics, and I am literally ready to chew my own leg off due to the insane itching! So, I called and BEGGED to be seen, thinking they wouldn't get me in until later in the week and much to my surprise, they got me in this morning!!!!!!!!! Life is good. I'll update when I get home........

Daddy's Hands

What makes a Dad?

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of the morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God Combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it Dad.

Happy Father's Day daddy and papa. You two were the cream of the crop! We miss you and love you more than you could ever know.

Love,
Amy, Kaiti, Brooklyn, Sofie, and Jared

Prayers Please

See request below............

I changed my videos (Thank Tracee), so the "Anyway" video is the darker video, click on that!

PRAYERS PLEASE

Ger's mom is on her way to the hospital. Something with her hip. Please pray that she will be okay. She's an amazing woman and I love her so much.

Anyway.

I loaded Martina McBride's "Anyway" to this site. It is the bottom video listed at the right on YouTube. Wow, was this song written for us???? I needed to hear it tonight. I'm feeling pretty low and I needed to remember that it was all worth it. Would I have done it all over again, knowing the outcome? Yep. Was the joy worth the pain? Yep (although I could do without the pain). Thanks Lisa, for posting the words to that song on your site...I needed to be reminded that I would have done it all over.......anyway.

Meltdown.

I had one today. I reached the point of no return with my kids, so I left. For the whole day. They had completely trashed the house and I am just so fed up with being walked all over by them, that I left. I did errands, went to the doctor, went to the pharmacy, went to Jodi's house, and then we went out to dinner and for a drive. It ws good to get away. I have had a very rough week and I can sure feel it. My entire body aches. So, with that....I'm going to bed.

Light and Fluffy

I need something light and fluffy in my life. Like a good movie or book. Things have been so "heavy" lately, that I need some fluff! With all of the things I've been doing (going through financial records, pictures, cleaning up my clutter, etc) I've been really bogged down. The girls told me I was "out of it" lastnight and that I kept asking them the same questions. I could feel myself sort of in a fog, but I was so focused on what I was doing and so absorbed by it that I must have really appeared to be out of it to them! It's very mentally and emotionally exhausting going through this.

So, I need to find a hobby or something! I want to start making jewelry, but there isn't a beginner's class until next month. It's exhausting being me! I want a carefree "easy" life again!

Big SIGH.

I am 1000% exhausted. I've had so much going on emotionally lately and I'm not sleeping AT ALL again. I feel like I'm going to crash and burn. I had to go through alot of mine and Ger's personal financial records and whatnot recently and it just exhausted me mentally. I've had lots of tears in the last 2 weeks. Sometimes the girls sympathize and other times they just sort of look at me and walk off. I hate that. I hate that my sorrow makes them uncomfortable.

Jared and I will go to California likely the week of November 12. I have to come up with about $2100 to have some of the clinical stuff done, so if you have any GREAT ideas for fundraisers, please send them my way!

I best go to bed. My eyes are rolling around in my head. Maybe I will get some sleep tonight.

Reflecting

Lately, I seem to be experiencing alot more "grief bursts". Not sure what is bringing them all on, but they are very present and very painful.

Some of the things that have been in my mind lately:

Ger, I hated it when you threw my ENTIRE Princess Diana collection of People magazines away. BUT, I loved it that you let me cry when she died and even though you didn't get it, you just hugged me and let me cry. I also love that you bought me a Diana book for Christmas that year!

It has been intensely painful for me to not only allow others to grieve by not talking about you or your life and death, but to embrace that as an individual's way of grieving. I recently found this and thought it very insightful:
"The anniversary date of a loved one's death is particularly significant. You will have done something you thought was impossible a few months earlier. You will have survived an entire year without someone who was as important to you as life itself."
This is exactly what I wish I could have expressed last year as we not only mourned OUR loss, but celebrated that you were living with our God and probably having some great theological discussions with him! ;)

It has been so hard for me to be criticized for embracing my faith by some of the people in my life that I never would have thought would abandon me in my very darkest of hours. If I had to go through this, knowing that you weren't in a better place or knowing that I would see you again, I don't think I could have made it this far. I pray daily for God to help soften my heart and embrace those people. I've cried many tears at church...I know they all understand.

Music gets me. Always has, always will. This song will probably always make me cry. It just embraces all that I feel.

"Never Let Go" By Matt Redman
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back I know You are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus: Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

So, I guess all the nay-sayers can criticize all they want, but I know what is true and I know where you are and I know tht I will be there with you some day! Even though I desperately long for that day, especially when the pain is so intense that I don't think I can do it, I know that He has a plan for me, for the kids, and He had a plan for you too. I wish I could say I understand it, but I really really don't.

Ger, I miss you with every ounce of my being. I still can't believe you are gone some days and sometimes I just hate that my life is what it is. I can't believe that both you and dad were taken from us so close together and that we are left behind to try to pick up the pieces. I love you sweetie....always will.