Ahhh, Summer Vacation. You have to LOVE it.

Brooklyn and her friend Megan are making cookies as I type this. Sofie is whining cuz she wants to help and they wont let her. Kaiti is trying to make plans and they keep falling through! Calgon.....TAKE ME A WAY! The weather has been just sucky here. Cold (and I DO mean cold) and rainy. I'm ready for hot weather!

I have just been in a funk today! The weather can really get me. All this rain is making me ache something terrible and I just want to curl up on the couch with a blanky and a good book.

I'm still trying to secure funding for getting Jared to California to see the Fragile X specialist. I'm so over the bs the school puts you through. It's such a game and I'm certainly learning to be a player! I don't even know how to play poker, but I'm learning to have a good poker face. :/

A friend of mine was telling me about one of her husband's coworkers. 34 years old, married a year, wife is newly pregnant and she woke up to hear him making gurgling sounds and he died while she was on the phone with 911. So sad. You just never know, do ya? I've been gathering pictures and stuff of Ger and it's just so sad to look at him and realize he's gone forever. He was such a great man. I miss him.

Good Evening!

Busy day here again today. We helped Tam move all day and then had a full afternoon of running topped off with a bridal shower for Tam.

I've been all over the board emotionally. Lots of tears this weekend. I feel as though I have taken some GIANT steps backwards and I am experiencing many of the same fears, feelings, and anxiety that I had during some of those very darkest days. I have had a bit of a hard time understanding people's ability to dish out hurt on top of hurt. I am so trying to rise above it, but dang it's hard sometimes. I need to let go of some of this. I seem to do so much better when I do. I also need to speak my peace to some people and let other's know not to feed into the bs. I am just trying to move on with my life, raise my children, and hope that we all come out better people on the other side.

This poem was sent to me some time ago and it really speaks volumes as to how I am trying to conduct my life. Some days it certainly is alot easier than others. :/

THE DASH

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of his friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstonefrom the beginning...to the end.

He noted that first came the date of her birth and spoke of the second with tears,but he said that what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth, and now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own; the cars, the house, the cash.
What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard, are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left, (You could be at "dash mid-range.")

If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real, and always try to understand the way other people feel.

And...be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect, and more often wear a smile, remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read with your life's actions to rehash...would you be pleased with the things they have to say about how you spent your dash?

...Linda Ellis

Memorial Day Weekend

Hi all,

It's been a pretty busy weekend around here. We are helping our friends, Tammy and Curtis, get their new home up to snuff and move in. We have had a lot of work to do and only one minor injury. Who knew that tin can dang near slice your finger off in less than the blink of an eye? My finger is fine, sore, but fine.

Remember when I was telling you all about the freak in Walmart that tried to grab Brooklyn? Well, I was working in the baby room at church when I opened up a cupboard to get a diaper and his picture is hanging in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seems he is a Level 3 sex offender!!!!!!!!!!! Level 3, in our state, is the highest level there is, with a high likelyhood of repeating. I about F.R.E.A.K.E.D!!!!!!!! I called Walmart and told them his name and that he was a sex offender and they said they have him on surveillance following us all over the store!!!!!!! After we left, he stalked to little girls in the toy aisle. I don't know if they have alerted the police, but I have. Sicko. He ought to be shot.

It's been a bit of a rough weekend. My mom was in OR for a funeral and ended up taking a bus home (long stupid story that I will not get into) and so I text messaged my little sister to let her know what was going on. Mind you, we no longer speak to one another, but I was worried about my mom and just wanted to be sure that someone could meet her at the bus station if she got in late. I just told my sister that she was taking a bus home and may need a ride and that she was upset. THAT. IS. ALL. I. SAID. My sister called my mom and told her to tell me to quit trying to contact her and that she wants nothing to do with me and what don't I get about that? I lost it. Completely. You know, I'm fine with everyone hating my guts and not speaking to me or my kids (well, I do wish they wouldn't punish my kids too, but I can't do much about that), and I'm fine with the fact that nobody in my family could be supportive of me after Ger died, but to accuse me of something so stupid???? Sheesh! I just wanted someone to be aware of what was going on and since Wendy can't ever answer her phone when mom calls or returns the call days later, I just thought I would make sure someone knew and could help mom out if need be. Was that so wrong??? Of course, Kaiti has to get in the middle of it and texts Wendy and tells her pretty much to go to hell! Now she is mad at me because I made her apologize to Wendy.

I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and seriously feel like I need a mental break. I can't get my kids to cooperate with me unless I completely freak out on them (which I did and now they are actually doing their chores). I have never felt so alone in my life. This is not easy. Trying to figure out how to do everything and keep everyone happy and get the lawn done and the house done and laundry done and everything else, I just feel like I'm going to lose my mind. Yeah, so I'm having a bit of pity party right now, I think I'm entitled to it. If you have anything negative to say about that keep it to yourself.

Where DOES the time go?

Today is the last day of school!? It's always such a bittersweet day for me. I'm happy they are done, yet already exhausted that they will be home everyday. I'm excited for them to move on to the next grade, yet sorta sad that they are growing up! I'm probably just a freak, I'm sure. I am looking forward to a break in the morning routine. I hate getting them up and ready for school this time of year. They play later since it's light out and they never want to get up. So I AM looking forward to that. Kaiti is sure she's going to cry...probably true. Brooklyn is sad that she has to say goodbye to the sub they've had for the last 2 months. Sofie seems to be nonchalant this year. My guess is the older two end up in tears. :)



So, we made it through our first full school year with no daddy.

Jared

Hi all,

I am most likely looking at having to bring Jared home sometime possibly even this summer. I'm just not sure that is a good idea. I feel so much pressure to make a decision and people don't seem to understand that it's more than just "okay, let's bring him home". He has so many issues and there is so much at risk if he looses control here. I can't afford for him to hurt someone or God forbid even become a perpetrator such as was done to him. My stomach is a mess right now even thinking about this. Please keep us in your prayers as we figure out what to do.

Amy

Random blogging.......

Can I just say that I absolutely loathe, despise, CANNOT stand Rosie O'Donnell?????? I used to be a huge fan until she turned into a radical big mouth. Personally, I think they ought to let her out of her contract early so we can all be spared her hatred for anything she doesn't believe in. Ugh. She gets my panties in a bunch everytime she opens her big mouth.

Kaiti had her pins and letters assembly this morning. She was honored for the clubs and activities she was in. I was a bad mom and snuck out as soon as I could.....like right after she was done! LOL!

I cannot believe this school year is done. Well, Friday it's done. Where did the year go?? My babies are all growing up!
.
Today is Jared's 10th birthday! I cannot believe he is 10 years old. He was very excited and happy when I called him this morning. We will go get him and take him for dinner tonight -shoot, I guess I should see if Kaiti has a game or not, huh? - I'll have his party later. I just need to get through all of the end of the year stuff. It's insane.

Ger's mom has her surgery tomorrow. Please pray that all goes well! I hope the recovery isn't too hard on her. She's a tough woman, so hopefully she'll bounce back like she usually does.

I had a moment of being taken back this morning. It was dreary and rainy and "I can only imagine" came on the radio. It just took me right back to those days immediately following Ger's death when everyone had left and I would drive around and listen to that song. Funny how songs can do that to you. I sure miss him. He was such a good guy.

Welp, I need to get lunch on! Have a fabulous day all!

Amy

For Real This Time!!!

Okay, I'm going to attempt to do all of my blogging here from now on. Caringbridge was a wonderful tool, but I feel this is probably a better forum for me to journal on. I'm hoping to figure out how to incorporate music and pics as well! So, welcome (again) to our new blogging home! Feel free to leave us a message, we love to hear from our "blog buddies"....YES, I totally stole that from Ross the Intern...you can visit him at Ross Mathews-BLOGtastic! He cracks me up on a regular basis!

Hugs!

Amy